The Book
by flamencochic
Summary: A series of challenges for PP. No idea where it is going or where it will end. Babe
1. Chapter 1

**A/N **- This is a series of challenge responses for PP. No idea where it is going or where it will end.

**Insert standard disclaimer here**: Not mine, Not… yadda, yadda, yadda.

**The Book**

"Hey, Carl. You working the front desk today?"

"Yep. What are you doing here Steph?"

"I'm just claiming my money."

"Your money? I didn't see a body receipt. Is there something I should know?" He asked with a gleeful tone, "I have the Book this week. I need all the help I can get with the odds."

Hmmm, this could be fun. "No body receipt, this time. Do you think I can get a look at this infamous Book?"

"Aw, come on Steph. You're killing me here. You know I can't do that. It wouldn't be fair to the other guys."

"You don't think it's fair for the person being bet on to have a look at the Book? Hell, I should be the one holding the Book."

"Wait a minute. What money are you talking about, and why all the questions about the Book?" Carl was starting to sound a little worried. Like maybe he didn't have all the facts, which apparently he didn't.

"Well… it seems like there was a bet placed in my name and I have come to collect on it." Take that.

"What are you talking about?"

"Ranger told me that he placed a bet in my name. He said that I should come in and collect on it."

"What was the bet?"

"I believe it reads: RCM for SMP - $500 on no calls concerning SMP for one week." I couldn't keep the snicker out of my voice," I believe the odds were 500 to1 against."

"Holy Christ! We don't have that kind of money Steph. There is no way we can cover that. Shit!" He was starting to look seriously panicked. He was also drawing lots of attention.

"Babe." I heard his voice the same time I felt his warm hand on the back of my neck, "I see you surprised Carl."

"Yeah, I guess he needs to be more aware of his surroundings." I could help laughing.

"Ooh Girl, this is gonna be big. Damn big. Bigger than Big Bird's boxer shorts, it's so big!" Lula was practically jumping up and down, "This is so big I had to brave my allergies to see this."

If Carl throwing a fit didn't draw everyone's attention, Lula's announcement about this being bigger than Big Bird's boxers certainly did. Seeing as how she did it at the top of her lungs. At least that's what it seemed like to me.

"What's going on out here?"

"Hey Joe, seems Ranger here placed a bet for Steph that we can't cover." Carl was looking decidedly green around the gills, "Now she wants to collect."

"There is no way she won that bet. Not fair and square anyway." Joe smirked at Ranger, "Putting your men in the hospital covering her ass doesn't count Manoso."

"Check your facts Morelli. Babe, see you outside for a minute?" Ignoring everyone else, with a tug on my curls Ranger turned to leave.

"I'll be there in a minute. I just need to talk to Joe." I noticed that Lula was looking like she wanted to pass out. I guess her allergies had started to kick in. "Lula, why don't you wait for me at the office? I promise I'll give you all the gory details when I get back in."

"I could stay if I wanted. It's just that it's getting on to be lunch. You better come back to the office or I won't tell you about my 21st birthday. Man that was a birthday to remember." Before I blinked she was out the door and down the street. If Ranger hadn't moved out of the way she would have run him over.

"Joe, can I talk to you for a second?" I could actually see everyone lean forward. Jeez. "Privately."

"Sure Cupcake, in my office." Slinging his arm around my shoulders, "I have to give you your birthday gift anyway."

"I didn't know it was your birthday, Steph. Happy Birthday."

"Thanks, Robin."

I went with Joe to a chorus of Happy Birthdays. Does he really think giving me a birthday gift after insulting me makes everything ok? Could he really be that arrogant and oblivious? Well, he's in for a surprise.

"What do you mean I couldn't win fair and square?"

"Come on Cupcake, you know as well as I do that there is no way you did this without his help. You just don't have the skills. Life would just be so much easier if you admitted it and married me like we've been planning. Look, I even got you some cooking lessons for your birthday. They're all paid for. All you have to do is show up."

"You know what Joe. Keep the lessons. You're going to need them if you think I'm going to marry you. It will be a cold day in hell before that happens, but you were right about one thing. I had Rangers help. He trained me. He's been working with me for the last six months to increase my skills. None of the guys were hurt this week. Hell, the only backup I had was Lula." It was taking everything I had to keep calm. "You know I think my gift to myself, trumps your gift."

"Um, what is it."

"Someone very important to me once said that you and I are in an unhealthy pattern behavior when it comes to our relationship. My gift to me is to change that. We're done. I hope we can be friends but that's all we will ever be from now on. Good bye Joe."

I was very proud of myself for the way I had ended things with Joe. No screaming, no crying, no Italian hand gestures, all in all very mature. That's me, the new and improved Stephanie Plum. Keeping with that theme, I decided to let the station off the hook, sort of.

I walked out of Joe's office without a backward glance into a bullpen that was silent as a cemetery. It was like everyone was waiting for the other shoe to drop. If it hadn't been for the bet I would have thought they were trying to listen for a fight in Joe's office. It wouldn't have been the first time. They were very luck I didn't see any money change hands, if I had then all bets would have been off, so to speak.

"Listen up boys and girls." I waited until I had everyone's attention. Didn't take long since no ones eyes had left me the entire time it took me to walk to the desk. "Here's the deal. I am willing to let the station off the hook. There is a condition however." I had no idea the human body could go without oxygen for that long. I didn't think anyone had taken a breath since I left Joe's office, "The bets stop. Right here, right now."

"What's to stop us? If we kept it quiet you would never know." Picky was really getting on my nerves. A person could be mature for only so long. "I was just getting the hang of this. I had my eye on this sweet leather blazer and was counting on you for the cash."

"Officer Gaspick how do you think I found out in the first place? The only way two people can keep a secret is if one of them is dead. It will get back to me, and when it does, not only will I collect my fee, but I wonder what would happen if I filed a complaint with Internal Affairs?" You could have heard a pin drop, "Do you think they would bring in the New Jersey Bureau of Investigation? I am pretty sure the District Attorney would be involved if nothing else." Picky, along with most everyone else, was looking decidedly green around the gills.

"That's my final offer. Think about it." There were a couple of notable exceptions to green gill look. One was Eddie; he was a good friend and had always had my back. He had a smile a mile wide on is face. The other was a surprise, it was Joe. At some point he had leaned up against the doorway of his office and was watching the action. I got a small grin and a wink from him as he went back to work. I guess we were going to be ok.

I left the station on cloud 9. I was giddy. It felt wonderful to have a sense of control, and I had Batman to thank for it.

"How'd it go inside?" Something was up. He had his patent blank face on but I wasn't getting any negative vibes like I usually do. It was more like he had a secret.

I had forgotten that Ranger had missed all the best parts. It was just like him to take a step back so I could do this on my own. I got the biggest grin on my face and running down the steps took a flying leap at Ranger. He must have known what was coming because he was ready and caught me in mid air. I couldn't stop laughing I was so happy. Spinning me around he had the biggest smile on his face, all 200 watts.

"Proud of you, Babe. I never doubted you for a second. Tell you what," He put me down, "why don't you tell me all about it tonight at dinner, but right now, you have a birthday present to take for a spin."

That's when noticed what he had been leaning against when I left the station. That was it. I didn't know it until I saw it, but now that I had seen it, I knew. That was it. It was perfect. I had to have it and nothing was going to stop me, not even a guilt trip from my mother could keep me from accepting it.

_It_ was the most beautiful car I had ever seen. It looked like a cross between a Corvette and a Ferrari. The car was sapphire blue with silver insets running down the sides. The personalized license plates said BABE. It was sporty and sexy all at the same time.

"Ranger… I don't know what to say."

"Say 'Thank you Ranger, and I'd be happy to have dinner with you. Is 7:00 ok?'." Even with his oddball sense of humor making an appearance I was about ready to cry.

"Thank you Ranger, and I'd be happy to have dinner with you. Is 7:00 ok?" Then I tackled him again.

After Ranger left me to go save Trenton or whatever he does when I'm not with him, I went back inside to let Joe know that I was going to drop by his place to get the rest of my stuff. Oh. My. God. I have a date with Ranger. Breathe in… breathe out… breathe in… breathe out… hyperventilating isn't going to help. Shopping. Shopping will help. Joe's place first though. Gotta get my priorities straight.

I'm just glad the drive to Joe's didn't take too long. My mind is going 100 miles an hour. Hell, I don't even know how I got here. Good thing Picky is still at the station, the jerk.

_I really hope I can stay friends with Joe. He's not a bad guy, just clueless when it comes to me_. I wonder if he'll let me keep my key. _What do I need with a key to his place for? Jesus, Steph. Make up your mind. Do you want to move on or not?_ I do, it's just that he is such a big part of my life. _He always will be too, that doesn't mean you need a key to his place. Besides, you got a date with Ranger. Remember?_

Oh. My. God. I have a date with Ranger. _Calm down and go do what you got to do. You can have a nervous breakdown later._

"Slow down Bob." There's nothing like getting mowed over by a large orange fur ball that thinks furniture is an acceptable after school snack. "I love you too, boy." I petted Bob as I squeezed through the door. He's getting a little fat, there's a whole lot more of him lately. You'd think with all the fiber in his diet he wouldn't get so fat. Wonder if I should say something to Joe? Or well, it's not really my problem anymore. I can barely take care of Rex.

Apparently even Bob has ESP. He raced up the stair and began pulling my shoes out of the closet getting slobber everywhere. I really didn't want to have to chase him to retrieve my favorite FMP's. "Dammit Bob, DROP it!" I guess he decided it wasn't worth getting yelled at so he dropped my shoe and slunk downstairs to sit in front of the TV.

Who knew that being empowered by your inner Wonder Woman could be so melancholy? Oh well, I haven't got time to feel sorry for myself. Thankfully, I don't really have a lot here just one duffel bag's worth. I'm really gonna miss this place. It's become like a second home to me. Lots of memories.

Before I can call Lula to tell her I'm on my way my phone rings scaring the bejeezus out of me. Damn I hate when that happens.

"Yo."

"Damn, girl. You sounding more like Batman everyday. Where the hell are you? You said you'd come to the office and let me know what happened." I guess my time is up. Lula sounds like she's headed for rhino mode.

"I had to pick my thing's up from Joe's. I'm on my way." Not really but she didn't need to know that. I still had to feed and walk Bob and leave Joe my copy of the house keys.

"What're you doin' at Joe's? What happened after I left? Don't tell me I missed all the juicy stuff. Man, this allergy is going to be the death of me." I forgot, due to her cop allergy she missed it all.

"Sorry, you did kinda miss a lot of stuff. If you want to go shopping with me I'll fill you in on the way."

"Hell yeah, you know I'm always up for shopping. You got to throw lunch in too though. Seeing as how you're gonna make me wait for the details."

"Deal. I'll be there in twenty."

I decided to drive my birthday present from Ranger when I picked up Lula to go shopping. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but in reflection… not so much. I forgot how she gets when he loans me cars. Now I have to figure out a way to explain this wasn't a loaner but a gift. A lot easier said than done.

"Lula, the car isn't a loaner. Breathe for Christ sake. If you pass out on me I'm leaving your ass here and you won't hear what happened." Hopefully the threat of not getting the scoop will calm her down. If it doesn't, I'm probably going to go deaf from all her screaming. Either way I won't have to listen to it any more so it's all good. "It's a birthday gift. Lula you need to calm down."

"Oh my God, girl. You in the shit now! He gave you a car? As in it's yours? Oh my God. You know you is going to have to give it up now. Batman, don't do nothing for free." I just wish she would quit screaming. I'm starting to get a head ache. I hadn't even told her I had a date let alone who it was with yet. "He gave you a car?! Oh my God!"

"Can you say that a little louder Lula? I don't think my Mom heard you. She is, after all, clear over on the other side of town." OK how am I going to do this? Drag it out or treat it like a bandage? If I give her little pieces at a time she'll never shut up. If I do it all at once she'll probably have a small stroke, but she will stop screaming. Bandage it is.

"If the cops bet on me anymore they owe me $500,000.00. Joe and I broke up, for good this time. Ranger gave me this car for my birthday and we are going shopping because Ihaveadatewithhimtonight" Three. Two. One…

"What?! Holy shit! You got a date with Batman? And he bought you a car for your birthday? Oh my God! You got that hunk a man all to yourself tonight. I think I'm havin' a hot flash maybe an aneurysm." I think I need to change the subject before she keels over on me.

"Lula, you need to relax. If anyone has the right to hyperventilate it's me. Before I can go on said date I need to go shopping. I have to find a something to wear. Are you going to help me or freak out?" Oh dear God, I have a date with Ranger! Breathe… Breathe…

"OK, OK. I'm good. I think I know just the place. They had this hot little number in the window a couple of days ago. Hopefully it's still there." Just great, my luck it's probable Neon purple and green spandex. So _not _the kind of thing I am looking for. "Don't worry. It's not something I would normally wear. A little understated for me. It's mostly black with some unexpected splashes of color. It'd be perfect for you if he takes you dancing. Well, come on. We got stuff to do before your date." Maybe this won't be so bad.

**If you like please review. If you don't I'll think I am just talking to myself. You know what they say about people who do that.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N **- Insert standard disclaimer here: Not mine, Not… yadda, yadda, yadda.

OK, I know Lula wants to help and all but I am really not so sure about her fashion sense. Understated for her is not the same as for me. God only knows what she will pick out for me. I mostly wanted her along for company. In Jersey, shopping is a team sport.

The dress is spandex, that's no surprise but the rest is. It's black with a deep vee and spaghetti straps. There's this diamond shaped rhinestone medallion that sits right between my breasts at the point of the vee. The skirt flares at my waist and goes to 3 inches above my knees. It has these lacy cutouts in a deep fiery red that are only visible when the skirt twirls. There's no back to the dress just some thin straps that criss-cross holding the front in place. The dress, combined with some black silk and rhinestone FMP's is going to be perfect.

Sometimes Lula can surprise you, and this is definitely one of those times. It may be too understated for her, but there is nothing understated about this dress. It screams hot and sweaty sex on a dance floor. _Are you sure you don't want to think about this for a minute? _What's to think about? It's the perfect dress. Who'd a thunk Lula would be the one to find it. _Are you sure you are ready for what this dress says you want? _It's the perfect dancing dress. I couldn't ask for one better. _What about the hot and sweaty sex part? Are you ready for that? You remember what happened last time. _

"Yo, white girl. You just gonna stand there or what? Do you like the dress or do we got to look some more? The day ain't getting any younger." Thank god for Lula. That is definitely not a conversation I want to have with myself. _But it is a conversation you need to have and soon. The sooner the better too. _I am so not going there right now. I got to find shoes and under things and do the shower thing. I have too much to do. _You're going wish you had this talk before the night is out. _Not thinking about it, not doing it.

"What are you talking about? What conversation?" Oh crap. I really got to quit doing that.

"Nothing Lula. I'm just talking to myself. I'll take the dress. You were right it is perfect." _You can't avoid it forever. _Yes I can. "I think I have the perfect shoes at home. All we need to do now is head to Victoria's Secret."

"Well, then, let's get going. You got to find something super sexy. They probably have some of those pasty thingies there don't you think? 'Cause you can't be flashing your nips when you get all hot and bothered by Batman."

"Oh God. I don't think I can do this Lula. I really don't think I can." Shit. What am I going to do? Breathe… Breathe…

_Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference. _Where did that come from? I haven't thought of Robert Frost since college. Hmmm...

I guess you could say I took the road less traveled when I decided to become a Bounty hunter. It went against everyone's expectations. My Mom just assumed I would go to work at the button factory and find a husband so I could get about the business of making her grandchildren. That's what you do when you live in the 'Burg.

Deciding to end things with Joe and maybe see where this thing between Ranger and I goes is also a road less traveled. Bad boy Joe Morelli is still the easy route. We grew up in the same neighborhood, with similar expectations for our lives. Ranger is definitely not anything anyone would ever expect.

I have always wanted to do the unexpected. Nothing else seems to work for me. It's not always been easy. Hell, it hardly ever is, but boy is it ever satisfying. When I jumped off the garage roof and broke my arm, it wasn't easy but I finally felt like I was flying. At least until I landed. So, I'll just pretend that I am jumping off the garage roof; only this time there will be someone there to catch me. I can do this. I was born to do this.

"Girl, you need to quit talking to yourself. People gonna think you a little tetched in the head. Please tell me you are not gonna jump off the garage roof again." Oh well, most people already think I'm crazy. What's a few more?

"Lula everybody already thinks I'm crazy so what difference does it make if I talk to myself or not? As long as I don't answer myself I'm fine." No need to explain that what she heard was the answer and not the question.

"You know that's not true. Not everybody thinks you are crazy. The people who matter don't, and the ones who do? Well, fuck 'em." You gotta love Lula.

"What do you say we hit Victoria's Secret then head over to my place for pedicures and Margaritas? I need some moral support here. You can tell me all about your 21st birthday like you promised." That should keep me occupied and distracted.

"Whooee girl, I like the way you think. I think I am gonna give me one of them French pedicures. They kinda goes with everything." I think I might do one of those too. "Well get it in gear we ain't got all day. You don't want to keep the man waiting. He might change his mind."

"I don't think that will be a problem Lula. He asked me, remember?" Here goes nothing.

Now Lula did an exceptional job helping me find a dress. Even if it did raise questions I was not prepared to answer. Her lingerie choosing skills however… leave a lot to be desired. I have no idea how she found a crochless g-string with tiger stripes. I really, _really _don't want to know either.

From there we hit the liquor store for the essentials and then made our way to my apartment. While I was paying for the booze Lula decided to make a couple of phone calls. So now instead of just me and Lula it was a date prep party. In Jersey not only is shopping a team sport sometimes so was getting ready for a big date. The only thing bigger than a date with Ranger is a wedding, and I'm so not ready for that. I think I'm going to hyperventilate. Breathe… breathe…

Have I said I love my car? Well, I do. I just hope the gods up in car heaven take some pity on me. I'd really hate for anything to happen to it. I am going with the theory that since Ranger bought it everything will be fine. We won't think about the Boxter or the BMW or the… I said I wasn't going to think about it.

"So Lula, you gonna tell me or do I have to drag it out of you?" I really need something else to think about. I put the liquor on the counter and dropped some hamster kibbles is Rex' food dish. They didn't even warrant a wiggle. Some friend he is.

"Don't get you knickers in a twist. We got to wait for the other girls. I don't want to have to tell it twice. Connie and Mary Lou will be here by the time you get out of the shower. Anything good on the tube?"

I decided to take the phrase self-confidence starts from the skin out to a whole new level. I showered, shampooed, shaved, exfoliated, moisturized and gelled to within an inch of my life. I decided to let my hair air dry, since the gel would keep down the frizz.

Throwing on some sweats I found on my floor, I walked into my living room. Connie and Mare had made themselves at home and Lula was on the phone. Not sure I want to know what she has planned. You never know with her.

"I thought we were just going to do pedicures and margaritas? Who are you calling Lula?" She seems to have taken control and I don't know how to get it back.

"Well, seems to me that you need a major kick in the ass. Batman can be a little overwhelming so I called in the troops." Troops? What troops? "I called my delicious hunk of chocolateness to see if he knew what was planned. It seems your date is now a birthday party." I'm speechless. I got nothing.

"Uh… wha… huh?" Yup that is me. Just call me thesaurus girl.

"Seems like you could use some back up. So we done decided to invite ourselves along."

"Does Ranger know?" I don't know what to think. If he knows what does that mean for us? If he doesn't know how am I supposed to prevent him from sending all our friends to Uganda in a packing crate?

"Tank said that they was gonna spring it on him after y'all had your dinner. That gives us girls some time to get ready." This is so not good. Maybe I should think about care packages I could send with them, toiletries and stuff. Do they have Crest in Uganda? "Just sit yourself down there and let's get to the pedicures and margaritas."

"Steph, you're only allowed one but I think I'm gonna have about three. I still need Depends anytime I am around that man. He scares me to death." If Mare only knew. I think I need them for a completely different reason though. "Lula, what's this big story you said you had."

"Me and some girlfriends scrimped and saved for a fancy trip for my 21st. We decided to go to Disney World down in Florida. I wasn't always a 'ho, you know. That didn't happen for another couple of years." It's amazing what you can learn about people you thought you knew.

"We decided to go to that there water park Typhoon Lagoon. We had us a ball until they talked me into going on this damn slide they got that goes straight down something like 3 stories. If I'd a known I was gonna get me an enema outta the deal I'd a never done it." How do you tell a girlfriend when it is just too damn much information? I think I need another drink.

"Steph, just remember tonight is about love and romance." Thanks Mare, as if I wasn't nervous enough, she has to mention the 'L' word.

"I don't know. It's kinda hard to do love and romance in a crowd." Leave it to Connie to bring up the practicalities. "How about making it about a healthy dose of lust." That's not a whole lot better!

"They already got that in spades. Anyone with eyes can see that." Somebody shoot me. Just put me out of my misery. That's one thing about being the Bombshell Bounty Hunter that I absolutely hate. Everybody all up in my bidness as Lula says. Well, that and rolling in garbage. So much for a nice quiet dinner with Ranger. Hope he's having as much fun as I am…NOT.

"You guys, I'm right here. I really hate when you start talking about me like I'm invisible." Hopefully they didn't invite themselves to the whole evening. I would like a little time with Ranger to myself. "Did you say after dinner? Does that mean you all are only joining us at the club?"

"Tank said they were gonna surprise you after dinner." This is so not good. Tank is his best friend, you'd think he knew better. "He figured you needed a little help so he decided to play Cupid for the evening." This is going to end badly I can feel it.

"Has anyone seen my phone? I need to make a call." I gotta prepare Batman. There is no way I am going to let them sneak this on him.

"Oh no you don't. You are not going to give him a heads up. Tank wants to surprise him. What my man wants, my man gets." How do I break this to Lula? I guess Mary Lou and Connie decided to sit this one out. They look like they're at a tennis match. If I wasn't freaking out I'd think it was funny.

"I hope you're prepared to travel to Uganda in a packing crate then. You know Ranger will send the both of you to a third world country for trying to surprise him like this." I really need to give him a heads up. He is the only one I can think of that can get us out of their evil clutches.

"I think you put it in your bag. Here, why don't you go on into the other room so you can have some privacy? I'll just finish up my toes and make me another margarita. Take your time." Yeah, that's what I thought.

Taking my phone into the bedroom I flop onto my bed in my favorite position. With a deep breath I hit speed dial 1 and cross my fingers. When all is said and done they mean well.

"Yo."

"Yo yourself. Have you talked to Tank recently?" Might as well jump right in.

"No. Why?" Eloquent as usual.

"Well… he talked to Lula and decided to play Cupid. He invited himself and some of our friends along on our date. I have no idea what he hopes to accomplish. Seems to me it would have the opposite effect of what he is looking for."

"If I ever get my hands on him, Cupid is a dead man." Yup, this is going to end badly.

**TBC…**

**Please don't forget to review. Y'all wouldn't want to see me in a padded cell for talking to myself now would you? Don't answer that.**


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